why my teeth are bound to rot soon.

I’m almost positive I’m going to wake up one morning with teeth that resemble this:

Sexy, eh? Note: Google “rotten teeth” with caution. Much too early to see the sights I’ve just seen. And wish I could permanently erase them from my brain. And you’re welcome for choosing a cartoon version instead of a photo of some unfortunate soul’s real mouth.

The culprit?

Lifesaver Wint-o-mints.

Our business manager has a bottomless bowl of these rings of death on her desk, and I swear they have cocaine in them. (Seriously, though – do you think it’s a coincidence they’re white and get powdery when chewing?)

But beyond that, I believe I’ve figured out why they’re so addicting.

Are you ready? It’s slightly mind-blowing. And yes, I’m positive I’m the first person in the world to come to this ground-breaking revelation:

I have this theory that mint and gum manufacturers add in some kind of horrible-tasting chemical (think nail polish remover) that only kicks in right after you finish said mint or piece of gum, thus forcing you to eat another mint (or nine) or chew another piece of gum (or seven), creating this great-tasting/awful-tasting cycle that never ends.

It. Never. Ends.

Genius for them, bad for my teeth.

And no, the answer is not “stop eating them.” They’re delicious.

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