I’ve been a little under the weather lately (read: since just before Christmas). Three sinus infections, three rounds of antibiotics, bronchitis and an out-of-the-blue asthma diagnosis later, I’m finally on the mend.
An annoying three months, yes, but something unexpected has come of all the sniffles, sleepless nights and general suffering. Something interesting, possibly that could be considered…remarkable.
I think I’ve been given a super power.
Kind of like the whole radioactive spider thing, but a lot less cool. Picture it: On her third visit to the local minute clinic in under two months, Girl is prescribed steroids to break up the phlegm in her lungs. Pharmacist accidentally gives Girl the steroids they’ve been crossing with bloodhound DNA to accelerate the ability of robot’s noses. Girl takes bloodhound steroids. Girl’s nose becomes the nose of a bloodhound.
Yes, ladies and gents: It is I, Bloodhound Babe, the Scent Sniffing Sister of the Circle City. PR pro by day, blogger and aroma adventuress by night.
You think you’re getting away clean after dumping the remnants of your foul-smelling lunch in the trashcan and not taking out the trash? Think again, crims.
Just think of all the good Captain Planet and I could do together. I sniff out the pollution, he whirls it away with the help of those nature kids’ glowing rings…
(Note: This is why I will never pursue a career in screenwriting.)
But seriously: Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t really had a sense of smell since Christmas Eve. Or perhaps it’s the combination of steroids, Sudafed and Mucinex (the doc told me to, swear.) that are giving me this omnipotent olfaction. (Tired of alliteration yet?)
Either way, I have never been able to smell this good in my life.
I blew my nose into an unscented tissue the other day. I could smell said unscented tissue as I blew my nose into it – a boring mix of dust and cardboard.
My coworker sat across a desk from me drinking green tea, a tea that doesn’t usually have much of a scent. I felt like I was sticking my nose inside his teacup it was so strong (and that’d just be rude and awkward).
I can smell the cleaningproducts on the tables in our office kitchen a full day after the cleaning crew has been through. Cooked shrimp smells like I’m fishing on the open sea; orange drink powder mix is like I’m shoving a bowl of Fruit Loops up my nasal cavity.
…you get the idea.
My prescription runs out in a few days, so I (presume I) only have a short amount of time left to take advantage of my super schnoz. Now, to use my powers for good, or for evil…?